Proverbs 31:1-9

“The words of King Lemuel, the utterance of which his mother taught him: What my son? And what, son of my womb? And what, son of my vows? Do not give your strength to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings. It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine, nor for princes intoxicating drink; lest they drink and forget the law, and pervert the justice of all the afflicted. Give strong drink to him who is perishing and wine to those who are bitter of heart.  Let him drink and forget his poverty and remember his misery no more. Open your mouth for the speechless, in the cause of all who are appointed to die. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy.” 

From Matthew Henry's Commentary: "The description of a virtuous woman, especially in the relation of a wife and the mistress of a family, which Lemuel's mother drew up, not as an encomium of herself, though, no doubt, if was her own true picture, but either as an instructional to her daughters, as the foregoing verses were to her son, or as a direction to her son in the choice of a wife, she must be chaste and modest, diligent and frugal, dutiful to her husband, careful of her family, discreet in her discourse, and in conscientious in her duty to God: such a one as this, if he can find her, will make him happy. Note, 1. It is the duty of mothers, as well as fathers, to teach their children what is good, that they may do it, and what is evil, that they may avoid it; when they are young and tender they are most under the under the mother's eye, and that she has then an opportunity of moulding and fashioning their minds well, which she ought not to let slip. 2. Even kings must be catechised; the greatest of men is less than the least of the ordinances of God. 3. Those that have grown up to maturity should often call to mind and make mention of, the good instructions they received when they were children, for their own admonition, the edification of others, and the honor of those who were the guides of their youth.

• Matthew Henry Commentary exists in a hardcover format, which is very small lettering, however it also exists as an app for $2.99 and was created by George Dimidik. The app is green which yellow lettering to make sure you have the correct one. It is a fantastic commentary with all of the biblical references accessible through hyperlinks.

Let’s look at this and glean what applies to us as women and mothers.  First, the advice King Lemuel’s mother is giving him is essential.  It was probably given to him well before his first girlfriend which would eliminate what most mothers have probably experienced; that once your son, or daughter, has their first friend, if you comment about them, it is likely  seen by the young person as an assault against their choice of their current friend. An idea would be to review these initial Proverb 31 verses with them earlier and discuss some of the practical implications.  Let’s flush out a few here: 

1.      A boyfriend or girlfriend is a distraction as implied by the words to not give your strength to women, and not to waiver from his or her goals.  They do not “need” a boyfriend or a girlfriend which may have been driven by peer pressure.  This may be a good time to talk about being a leader and not following others. They should be in prayer seeking the Lord’s guidance and directive before engaging in any relationship. 

2.      Assuming they under the legal age limit, their friends could be focused on experimenting with alcohol or drugs.  They may be nice kids; however, it is still against the law, especially the laws of God.  The Bible does not tell us that we cannot have a drink of wine, or otherwise, however if the friend they are considering is underage drinking, they, of course should beware.  When they are old enough to drink, you could have a discussion of when it may be appropriate for a glass of wine at a wedding, however, never to excess or overindulgence. Some of you may feel a bit guilty as you may have been one of those nice kids that engaged in underage drinking.  I would encourage you to see the difference in your motivation.  You may have not been a Christian when you engaged is these activities, and you also know the guilt and sorrow you probably feel to this day and wish you did not get involved .  We are always trying to help our children to have a better life than we had, so as humbling as it is, if compelled, you could share with them your negative experience, although not necessary.  I wanted to make the point and encourage you against a possible feeling of hypocrisy. The rationale is that God would not be pleased as our bodies are a temple. "Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?" 1 Corinthians 6:19 NKJV

3.      The additional lesson is that alcohol or drugs tend to reduce inhibitions and many a person, young or old has much remorse over what occurs in the mind and body when too much alcohol is in the system, leading to sins which may have long lasting consequences. We should always keep a clear head.

4.      It seems that from the last few lines of the beginning of this wonderful chapter, King Lemuel is engaged in causes that matter.  Is the potential boyfriend or girlfriend concerned about the community, albeit church community and/or other causes?  A focus on helping others at a young age most likely will carry forward into their adult life and can lead to engaged philanthropy.  When counseling my clients on how to engage their children at an early age into causes that interest them, the idea is that during the year, they can be on the lookout for a cause they feel is important, then present their idea to the family, which can then decide or not, to donate to that organization.  You are teaching them many concepts with this activity, including how to discern a worthwhile organization to invest in, how to present to a group (family), building confidence in their ability to research and of course, very importantly, how to be philanthropic. 

5. We have a window into one conversation that this devoted mother had with her son, however in all likelihood, this was a regular practice of meaningful discussions with her sons and daughters on an ongoing basis. We should not mistake this as "the talk" but an ongoing opportunity to foster interaction as our children age.

Thought questions and application:

1. Have you struggled with the guilt of past sins and don't know how to warn your children about getting into a situation they may regret?
2. What ways do you feel would be an effective way of approaching these topics, what scripture references may be particularly helpful? Write down your impressions and explore them through prayer and searching the scriptures to see if there are any applications for you personally and/or your own family situation.
3. Are there any young people or single people that you know who may be helped by a deepened understanding of this Proverb? Are they on your prayer list?

All content, including text, images, and graphics, published on this blog and our social media channels is the intellectual property of The Proverbs 31 Woman and is protected by copyright law. No part of this content may be reproduced, distributed, or used in any form without prior written permission. Unauthorized use is strictly prohibited.